A Very Mary Tournament
by Eleanor D
Summary: Melee. Everyone loves Mary Sue! She's so awesome...
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: THIS STORY IS A RESUBMISSION. This story is a Mary Sue parody I wrote in 2005, depicting the bodily harm and social despair Mary Sues cause. Essentially: Mary Sues suck. It's quite short (maybe I'll do a longer version of it one day), but it was a joy to write, and I hope it will being a smile to your face if you, too, hate Mary Sues. God Bless You.

Note, all words from this point on are written by my greasy sixteen-year-old self, except for a few fixed typos, and keep in mind this story was written during the Melee era, so it includes no Brawl characters and it does include a healthy dose of Roy. Mm. Having read over this fic again, I think I should also mention that there are random stupid author's notes inserted in the flow of the story, and I think I should make it clear that they are supposed to be there, because this fic is a parody and sometimes bad writers insert random stupid author's notes in the flow of the story. You shouldn't do that. Stop.

Anyway, thanks for slogging through this long introduction, and I hope you will enjoy. :D

* * *

For those of you who may not know, a **Mary Sue** is an original character that is too perfect, and has no flaws, and for this reason, they are also really annoying. Most good original characters at least have some flaws, because it makes them more realistic. Mary Sues plague FFN to no end—you can find them in most of the popular sections. And yes, even the SSBM section (just type in something along the lines of 'new smasher' in the search box, and you can probably find several). There are also many hilarious Mary Sue parodies on FFN, so I decided to try one myself. And please know that **it's supposed to be kinda bad**, because it's a parody. And that I am **definitely not aiming this at anyone's fic**; that would be mean (I've written Mary Sues myself, guys). If you want to find out more about Mary Sues, just search on Google—there are all sorts of places all over the net dedicated to them.

Now transforming into highly annoying fangirl fanfiction writer mode…

**xxx**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Super Smash Bros. Melee but I do own Aurora WHO IZ MI VERY OWN MADEUP KHARACTER AND IS SUPER DUPER COOL YAYLOL:K

**Rating:** T (…It' so sad…my character dies…I bet you cry…it's so very sad…who cares about the random sex, or the violence, and that boring stuff…all that matters is that she dies…you're gonna cry…I'm crying already…(sniff)…did I mention it was going to be very sad?…)

**xxx**

**A Very Mary Tournament**

**Part I (The Beast Cometh)**

It was yet another gloriously normal day in the Smash Mansion. Birds celebrated the first days of spring with happy melodies, while bees hummed along from flower to flower, collecting sweet honey. Nana and Popo, playing hide-and-go-seek in the backyard of the mansion, wrestled playfully with each other in the grass, while Pichu and Kirby chased butterflies floating on the gentle breeze. Two young lovers, Link and Zelda, held hands as they walked past Falco in a drunken state mercilessly beating Ness into a pulp. Yes, it was another normal day.

It was so normal, in fact, that is was_ too_ normal.

_Much _too normal.

_Much MUCH_ too normal.

You wouldn't believe how much too normal it was.

For what was coming would change the lives of the Smashers _forever_. (Oh-ho, foreshadowing! I'm so learned.)

At dinnertime, the normalness of the day was still, in fact, present. The Smashers gathered in the dining hall for a normal dinner of stew and peas and Juicy Juice.

Sitting alone at one table, Zelda and Link held hands and looked deeply into each others' eyes and said meaningful things to one another.

"Zelda, I love you," Link said meaningfully, looking deeply into Zelda's eyes.

"Link, I love you," Zelda said meaningfully, looking deeply into Link's eyes.

Their lips locked in a meaningful kiss.

It was a very meaningful scene.

Link's two best friends, Marth and Roy, came over to the table and sat down across from Link and Zelda.

"Ugh!" Roy expressed his disgust. "The meaningfulness of this scene is nauseating!"

"I agree, Roy!" Marth said. "Let's talk about something unmeaningful, so as to offset the meaningfulness, and perhaps attempt to provide the readers with a good laugh!"

"Splendid!" Roy said. "How about hair! As fangirls seem to believe we have an extreme obsession with our beautiful hair!"

"Fantastic!" Marth said. "Hair. I love my hair."

"I love it too."

"Mine is beautiful."

"Mine is red."

"Indubitably!"

"I agree!"

However, Link suddenly stopped sucking face with Zelda with a glazed look over his eyes. Roy and Marth stopped their fascinating conversation to look worriedly at Link.

"Link, what's the matter?" Marth inquired.

Link's eyes narrowed. "My elf sense is tingling," he whispered.

Zelda's eyes widened. "Link, your elf sense hasn't tingled since Young Link fed firecrackers to Pikachu!"

"Yes," Link nodded. "Except this time, I don't think this will end in such a delightful display of colorful lights."

Roy furrowed his brow. "But Link, it's such a gloriously normal day, surely nothing strange or abnormal could possibly happen—"

Suddenly, there was a very mysterious-sounding knock on the door.

"Gasp!" Roy, Marth, Link, and Zelda said. Although technically they didn't say 'Gasp!', they just gasped, which is just a sharp intake of air. Jeebus, who knew?

By this time, all the Smashers were looking curiously to the door, which was still being knocked on mysteriously. Slowly, Mario stood up, walked to the door and pulled on the handle. The door swung open with a creak, and into the room walked a mysterious figure in a blue cloak, soaked with rain, even though it hadn't been raining…the figure was that mysterious, you see. All the Smashers craned their necks, trying to get a good look. The figure put a hand to the hood of the cloak and thrust it off with a dramatic flourish, at last revealing themself…

It was a girl.

A beautiful girl.

An extraordinarily beautiful girl.

An extraordinarily beautiful girl, with waist-length long hair that shimmered gold, even in the dim light. Her glittering bangs perfectly framed her heart-shaped face and accentuated her lightly tanned skin and her ruby-red lips, glossy and shiny, although untouched by makeup of any kind. Her deep, purple-blue eyes matched her outfit, a long blue dress with silver lining that hung just loose enough on her to emphasize her shapely hips and her thin but muscular body. She was beautiful. More beautiful than you, at least. More beautiful than your mother. Even more beautiful than the office assistant with whom your father is cheating on your mother (Yeah, that's right, I said it! Oh…you didn't know?…Oh wow…geez…I'm sorry…)

All the Smashers gathered around this strange girl in fascination. "Who…who are you?" asked Mario in a tentative voice.

"I," said the beautiful girl, in a voice so glorious and brilliant that it could make songbirds drop out of the sky and die in shame. "…am Aurora Ayame Glory-Angalou Aphrodite."

Besides Marth, Roy got a dreamy look in his eye. "Mmmm… Aurora Ayame Glory-Angalou Aphrodite…" His jaw went lax. He drooled a bit on Marth's sleeve.

Marth frowned in disgust at his slobbering friend. "Oh honestly, Roy, it's only a girl!" He suddenly looked up as the girl flashed him a sparkly smile.

"But you all can just call me Aurora for short." She gave him a delightful wink too.

"OH EM GEE, SHE IS SO HAWT!" Marth exclaimed, abandoning his usually immaculate speech in light of Aurora's hotness.

Aurora smiled a brilliant but sad smile. "Hello, Smashers, and thank you for being so kind as to let me into your home. I come from the planet Pulcherrimus, a normally beautiful and peace-loving planet. However, for the past ten years war has ravaged the planet. I," Aurora paused dramatically, tears sparkling in her eyes, "…am the only survivor. Master Hand, a good friend of mine, asked me to come to the Super Smash Bros. tournament, to start a new life." She smiled sweetly again, somehow managing to hold back her tears.

That did not keep the other Smashers from holding back theirs, though. The younger children cried as though someone had just stolen their candy, while the older Smashers cried as though someone had just stolen their virginity (BA DUM DUM! OH MAN THAT WAS A GOOD 'UN!). Even Link felt a small tear trickle down his strong features. Beside him, Marth and Roy flat out bawled, hugging each other for comfort. Yes, her story was just that tragic.

"But now that I am here, I can hopefully overcome the tragedies of my past and once again be happy." She smiled once again. The heavens seemed to open up above her and shower down their holy rays, and the angels sang a Hallelujah chorus, and there were rainbows and pretty fairies and little baby bunnies and all those sorts of nice things when she smiled. All the men and Marth drooled.

"Now," Aurora said, raising one eyebrow in a sexy but charming manner. "…who's room am I sleeping in?"

There was great chaos as all the men clamored to get Aurora's attention. She laughed a light, melodious laugh as she followed the storm of men to the dorms, her blonde hair swishing behind her.

Link stayed back with Zelda, staring after Aurora. "Zelda," he said. "I am in love with that girl."

Zelda turned an unpleasant shade of puce. "_Excuse me?_" she exclaimed shrilly. "What about us, Link? We have a very meaningful relationship! With meaning! Lots of meaning! Are you so shallow as to throw that all away just because some blonde-headed bimbo prances in here?"

"Hell, yeah!" Link answered, still staring after Aurora.

Zelda's face turned an even unpleasanter shade of purple. "Well, then!" she harrumphed, and stormed off to her room, muttering something about Link and Juicy Juice and cyanide.

Link rolled his eyes. Zelda was clearly just jealous of Aurora. Aurora. Mmmmmmm. Link ran to catch up with her, fell flat on his face as he slipped in the large puddle of drool on the floor, got back up, and started running again, his heart and mind filled with thoughts of the beautiful new Smasher.

Little did Link know just what he was about to get himself into. (Whoo, more foreshadowing! Damn, I'm good.)

**xxx**

Thanks for reading, kiddos. There are some excellent Mary Sue parodies in my favorites section that are much kooler than this. Check them out.

…I BETTAR GET A BAJILLION MILLION REVIEWZ OTHARWIZE I WONT RITE ANYMORE OF MY AWESUM STORIE!11!1!WAWAWA ROYROXZORZMYSOXORZ!1!


	2. Chapter 2

Um, this chapter is the reason this is rated Teen… (hands everyone a spork in case they have the sudden need to gouge out their eyes)…

**Part II (That Helpful Mary Su—Er, Aurora…)**

Over the following weeks, Aurora grew to be even more endearing to the Smashers. In addition to being highly attractive, she was also a singer, artist, dancer, writer, pianist, actress, Tae Kwon Do black belt, nuclear scientist, trilingual, winner of three Nobel Prizes and two Caldecott Medals, lion tamer, accomplished lingerie model, hairstylist, psychiatrist, psychic, psychedelic, noted goldfish breeder, and lumberjack, just to name a few. Oh, and she was a good cook, as well. She rivaled Emeril Lagasse! No, wait—she _was_ Emeril Lagasse! Um…in another life, that is. …Yes.

Anyway, everyone loved Aurora. Well, almost everyone…everyone that wasn't Bowser, Mewtwo, and GanonDORK (HAHA! Oh man… 'DORK' instead of 'DORF', get it? Ha ha…COMEDIC. GOLD.)

These three villains were notorious for picking on the younger Smashers. One of their favorite pastimes was stuffing the kids in crates and shipping them off to small islands in the South Pacific. They never did find Pichu…

One day, Aurora, being the kind and helpful girl she was, was reading a story to Young Link, Ness, and the Ice Climbers in the gardens. Suddenly, the three baddies strolled up, overturning trashcans and stomping on the flowers.

"Hi, you stupid kids!" Bowser growled. He kicked Ness in the face. Ness screamed and fell to the ground, holding his face as blood streamed from his nose.

"Ha ha, we are so evil!" Ganondork laughed. The three villains laughed in a villainous manner, for they were villains, and gave each other high fives and pats on the back.

Shaking with anger, Aurora slammed down the book she had been reading and stood up. Normally she would have only come up to Ganondork's chest, but due to her super kick-ass five-inch lavender high heels (OMG I AM GETTING THOSE FOR XMAS THEY ARE SO HAWT AND GOFFIK!), she was able to see him eye to eye. Her deep purple eyes narrowed and turned a stormy black color.

"Excuse me, but who gave you the authority to come here and harm these innocent souls?" she exclaimed, motioning to Ness, writhing in pain on the ground.

"Aurora, help me!" Ness shrieked, twitching violently. "THE PAIN!"

"Hush, Ness! I'm trying to defend you!" Aurora scolded him, then turned back to the villains.

"We can do whatever we want, 'cuz we're evil!" Bowser said. "Har har _har_."

Aurora tossed back her hair and gritted her teeth. In a very pleasant and sexy manner, that is. "Me. You three. Smash battle. Right now."

Mewtwo scoffed most villainously. "You can't possibly think you can take on all three of us at once!"

Aurora's eyes flashed red with gold sparkles. "Watch me."

Mewtwo, Bowser, and Ganondork felt a chill go through their body, but readied themselves for battle. Young Link, serving as the moderator, stood between the bad guys and Aurora. "Begin fighting!" he shouted.

Mewtwo, Boswer, and Ganondork ran at the beautiful girl. However, just as they were about to grab her, she did a handspring and jumped in a perfect arc over their heads. The three ran crashed together and clawed at each other in confusion. Finally, Bowser separated himself from the other two and ran after Aurora.

Aurora was ready. "Wing Attack!" she shouted. Miraculously, rainbow-colored angel wings grew out of her back. Bowser stopped in his tracks in awe. Not wasting any time, Aurora managed to pick up Bowser's great bulk and flew up into the sky. Higher and higher she went, until they were several hundred feet above the ground. Then, she dropped him.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bowser screamed as he fell, and hit the ground with a loud squish, as he managed to land on top of Ness.

"Ow," Ness said.

Aurora floated back down to the ground and landed gracefully in front of Mewtwo and Bowser. "Who's next?" she said, as her rainbow wings disappeared into a cloud of multi-colored birds and butterflies.

"You'll pay for that!" Ganondorf shouted, and charged at her. But Aurora lifted up her booted foot and kicked him right were it hurts most (LOL.) Ganon's eyes bulged and he fell over, tears running down his face and crying for his mommy (crotch kicks should so be a move in the game. LOL.). Aurora picked him up and threw him on top of Bowser.

"Ow," Ness said again as Ganon's huge bulk was added to Bowser's.

"Works every time," Aurora commented, tossing back her hair again. Now only Mewtwo was left.

He smiled. "You'll find that I, being the most powerful Pokemon in the universe, am not so easily defeated." He held out his hands and began to form a ball of dark energy.

Aurora wasn't the least bit worried. "I have some tricks of my own, Mewtwo." As Mewtwo threw the huge Shadow Ball at her, Aurora held out her hands and shouted, "Mystic Hairdryers of the Ten Mystic Goddesses of Pulcherrimus, aid me!" Magically two hairdryers appeared out of nowhere in each of her hands. She quickly aimed them at the oncoming Shadow Ball and hit it dead on with a blast of hot air. Mewtwo gasped in amazement.

"Super Beautiful Hair Attack!" Aurora exclaimed. Her lovely blonde hair began to grow and take on a life of its own. It wrapped around Mewtwo until he was encased in a cocoon of shimmering golden locks. Then with her hair Aurora lifted him up in the air and slammed him down on Ganondorf. The three villains and Ness groaned in pain.

Young Link and the Ice Climbers cheered and hugged Aurora. "Thank you for saving us, Miss Aurora!" they exclaimed.

She flashed a dazzling smile. "If these bullies ever give you trouble again, tell me, okay? Now let's go get ice cream!" All the kids cheered again and followed Aurora inside, leaving Mewtwo, Ganon, and Bowser in a heap.

"Ow," Ness said again.

xxx

Later that day at dinnertime, all the Smash Brothers got up and clapped as Aurora entered the room. She smiled with a smile that said, "Oh, it was nothing!", and went to sit down at her regular table with Roy, Marth, Link, and Zelda.

"I heard you beat up those bullies today, Aurora!" Roy exclaimed. He and Marth gave Aurora pats on the back.

"I have defeated Ganondorf multiple times, but never with such style and grace as you, Aurora," Link said. He gazed at Aurora dreamily, not noticing Zelda pouring a suspicious-looking powder into his drink.

"Let's just say it was a 'hair-raising' experience!" Aurora said. Roy, Marth and Link laughed and laughed at her amazing joke (LOL, I thought it was funny, too…), and then continued thinking about how amazingly hot she looked when she ate green beans. Finally, Link could take it no more.

"Aurora, I must speak with you immediately!" he declared, leaping up from his seat. He grabbed Aurora by the hand and pulled her out of the dining room. Marth and Roy glared after him for taking her away, and began to make plans for how Link could be accidentally be pushed off the roof. Zelda continued to sprinkle powder over his clam chowder.

Meanwhile, Link had pulled Aurora upstairs and into the first bedroom he could find. He closed the door behind them.

"Aurora, I have a confession to make," he said.

"Yes, Link?"

"I am totally hot for your body," Link said eloquently. Aurora stared at him. But she then smiled and threw her arms around him. "Oh, Link!" she exclaimed. "I have felt the same way about you! We are meant to be!" Aurora then probably said something meaningful, intelligent, and important to the plot, had there been one in the first place. But Link did not notice, as he was working out this equation in his brain: Hot Girl plus Empty Room equals :)!

"So, um, can we, like, make out now?" Link asked. Without even bothering to answer, Aurora threw Link onto a bed and began to kiss him passionately. Then Link began to undo Aurora's shirt and…um…this was a very meaningful scene. Filled with lots of meaning. Lots and lots of meaning. (SEXUAL. INNUENDO. Ha ha. I said 'sex'! LOL. Wait until I tell all of my friends.)

Just as Link thought he was going to score one for the home team, there was a sharp rap on the door. "Link!" Zelda's sharp voice called. "You and Aurora have been in this empty room for an awful long time!" She burst into the room and gasped.

"Link, just what are you thinking having sex with Aurora on Falco's bed?" she shouted. She looked kind of mad.

Link shifted uneasily. "I wasn't?" he offered. He hoped this was the right answer.

Sadly, it was not. "YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU, THAT'S FOR SURE!" Zelda shouted. She pulled a huge hammer out of nowhere and began to beat Link senseless with it.

Just then Fox and Falco walked into their dorm room upon this scene. Falco looked at his bed where Zelda was smashing a half-dressed Link into a pulp as Aurora looked on in horror. He turned to Fox. "We're switching beds."

Fox looked at Aurora, her only clothing the bed sheets that she had pulled up around her. "Okay by me," he said.

**xxx**

Next chapter is the last! I'm sorry this is short, but I am running out of good ideas. Anyway, thanks for reading.

DUN BLAME M3 IF THIS CHAPTAR WUZ B4D CUZ I JUST HAD MI KHEMISRTY EXAM AND MI TEACHER IS EVIL AND H3 MADE IT REALLY HARD AND IT ATE MY S0UL!111! WARRAWARRWARRRAA!11GIVE ME CAKE!


	3. Chapter 3

**Part III (Death! **_**GASP!**_**)**

Link sighed sadly. He was very, very sad.

Marth and Roy looked up from their saltine cracker pyramid they were building on the lunchroom table. They were going for the Guinness Book of World Record's title of 'World's Tallest Saltine Cracker Pyramid Built by Guys Probably with Too Much Free Time'. "What's wrong, Link?" Marth asked as Roy sneezed, knocking down half the pyramid.

"Zelda's mad at me," Link sighed, stirring his untouched soup from lunch.

"Well, I would think so," Marth said as he stabbed Roy's hand with a fork. "You did sleep with another woman."

"But it was a hot another woman!" Link said. "Zelda should know I'm too stupid to know better!"

"This is true!" Marth agreed distractedly as Roy attempted to shove crackers into his ear. "But women seem to think men have feelings and are able to think for themselves, which clearly that cannot!"

"That is a very generalized statement, Marth!" Link said.

Roy stopped shoving saltines in Marth's ear and blinked stupidly. "This conversation has confused my tiny brain!"

"I agree!" Marth said. "Let us talk about our hair again!"

"I love my hair!"

"So do I!"

"It's actually a wig!"

"I'm actually a girl!"

"What?"

"Nothing!"

"That's creepy!"

"Yeah."

Link turned away from his two friends as he felt hot tears begin to well up in his eyes. He cried sad tears of sadness into his soup. Now his soup was sad, too. Poor Link's soup.

Suddenly he saw Aurora enter the room. Spotting him, she ran over to his table. She looked very upset.

"Oh Link! I'm so sorry I caused you and Zelda to break up!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around Link. She cried her own salty tears into Link soup. Now Link's soup was very sad. And also too salty. Jeez, what a downer.

Link held Aurora's hands. "Aurora, it isn't your fault."

She sniffed. Even though she had been crying, she was still radiantly beautiful. "But it is! It's my fault that I am so beautiful that no man can resist me! Oh, my life is horrible!"

Link smiled encouragingly. "Well, now with Zelda out of the way, we can be together!"

Aurora beamed. "Oh, Link!" She kissed him on the cheek. Marth glowered at Link and Roy waved a package of crackers at him threateningly.

Just as Link and Aurora where about to say meaningful things to each other, some of the Smashers gasped as a large floating hand appeared out of nowhere! Why, it was Master Hand!

"Good morning, Master Hand!" all the Smashers recited kindly.

"Shut your ugly faces!" Master Hand responded angrily. The Smashers fell silent. "All right, time for announcements. Uhhh…" Master Hand thought for a bit. It's hard to think when you've just been awoken from a drunken coma. Not that I would know, or anything. "Oh yeah, uh, tournament today…maybe about two or seven rounds…uhhh…one-on-one battles…whatever. Just maybe about ten or so of you show up, ok?"

Ness raised his hand. "Master Hand, sir, where should we—" Master Hand kicked Ness in the face. Ness screamed and fell over.

"I hate people," Master Hand grunted. He then disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Link turned to look at Aurora excitedly. "This is great! With this tournament, we can show ol' Zelda we're better than her!"

Aurora nodded eagerly. "That is a great idea! Let's go!" With that, the two got up and ran out of the room holding hands.

Roy and Marth still sat at the table. Roy turned to Marth. "What just happened in the past ten minutes or so?"

Marth shrugged. "Who cares! All I care about is my hair."

"Nice rhyme!"

"Why thank you!"

"You're welcome!"

"Indubitably!"

"Huh?"

xxx

Aurora stood in the middle of the Pokemon stadium, fidgeting nervously. The first battle of the tournament was about to begin. She looked into the audience, where Link gave her an encouraging smile.

"Combatant Number Two, get your ass into the freaking Stadium," Master Hand growled over the P.A. system. Finally, a character materialized on the opposite side of the stadium in front of Aurora. It was Mewtwo, looking particularly surly.

"All right, uh, fight each other or something," Master Hand sighed, signaling the start of the battle.

Mewtwo looked up and spotted Aurora. His eyes grew wide in fear. "OH GOD! NOT YOU AGAIN!" he screamed. He fell to the ground and rolled up into the fetal position. "Remember the steps you learned in therapy, Mewtwo, remember the steps," he whimpered, rocking back and forth and sucking on his thumb.

Aurora smirked and walked closer. Mewtwo sobbed. "I CAN'T REMEMBER STEP TWO! AHHHHHH!"

Master Hand groaned. "Game, due to Mewtwo's utter wuss-ness." Everyone cheered as Aurora bowed triumphantly and Mewtwo was tied up in a white jacket and carried off the stage by wireframes.

"Yeah, um, next round," Master Hand said lazily. "Whoever—"

"I'm going next!" an angry voice screeched. It was Zelda! The Hylain princess marched up onto the stadium stage over to Aurora. Zelda then slapped her across the face. Everyone in the audience gasped.

"You whore!" Zelda shrieked, her face turning bright pink. "How dare you steal my boyfriend!"

Aurora gritted her perfect white teeth. She slapped Zelda back. "You bitch! I didn't steal him; he came running to me!"

Zelda slapped Aurora again. "You slut!"

Slap! "Strumpet!"

Slap! "Harlot!"

Slap! "Bimbo!"

Slap! "Foot licker!"

Slap! "What?"

But just as Zelda and Aurora were getting into their catfight, a large ball of fire whizzed over their heads.

"What the…" Aurora looked over at Master Hand. Laughing evilly, Master Hand had suddenly begun throwing large flaming balls of…fire, at the Smashers, and generally causing lots of chaos.

"Mwa ha ha!" Master Hand laughed. "I are so evil!"

"OH NO! Master Hand has turned evil!" Link observed intelligently, jumping up from his seat and pointing, for emphasis. Everyone screamed in fear!

Fox frowned in thought. "But why has he turned evil?" he asked.

Falco nodded in agreement. "Yes! There really is no plausible explanation for Master Hand to have suddenly become evil!"

Err…because Master Hand had pulp in his orange juice that morning, and he hates pulp, and he got so mad that he, uhh…became evil.

"That doesn't sound like a very legitimate reason!" Fox said.

"It looks like the author is coming up with some bogus explanation in order to end the story quickly!" Falco observed.

Err…suddenly, Fox and Falco died. What a tragedy. Anyway, the Smashers were running around in panic as Master Hand continued to throw fireballs around and crush things.

"Whatever are we to do?" Link shouted, ducking as a large fireball flew over his head. It hit Luigi behind him, thankfully.

"Even though we are the heroes of multiple video games and have faced tasks much more difficult than this situation, we cannot possibly think of a way to overcome this problem, as our appearance in fan fiction strips us of all our dignity, strength, and brainpower!" Roy cried. He fell to the ground and sobbed like an infant.

Marth ran over to his fallen friend and helped him up. "Don't worry, Roy! We'll make it through together!"

"Oh Marth!"

"Oh Roy!"

Then, they totally began to make out. It was SOOOOOOO CUTE!

But suddenly, Master Hand began to twitch violently, and flop about like a fish. Unfortunately, Aurora just happened to be standing underneath him at the time. Master Hand body slammed Aurora. She was crushed underneath his bulk with a very unpleasant sounding crunch.

"HOLY SHIT!" Link exclaimed. "Where did Aurora go?"

Marth paused from making out with Roy. "You idiot! She just got crushed under Master Hand!" Then he and Roy continued to 'get their groove on'. (It was a very meaningful scene!)

"HOLY SHIT!" Link said again, for humorous effect. Swearing iz funnylol:P He ran over to Master Hand and hacked at him with his sword until he finally lifted up from Aurora's motionless body. As Link knelt down by Aurora's side, Master Hand looked at his watch (How? We shall never know). He got out today's newspaper and a cup of coffee. Finally, he had time to read the comics page.

Meanwhile, Link was trying to wake Aurora up. Despite just being crushed under two tons of hand, her body was just as perfect and flawless as it ever was. However, her eyes remained closed. "Aurora!" he screamed. "Aurora, please don't be dead…" He feared the worst. Oh my god, the suspense.

Link bowed his head. He couldn't believe she was…wait. Did he just see her finger twitch? Gross! I mean…thank goodness!

Slowly, Aurora opened her eyes. "Link," she whispered. "Link, my time in this earthly body is drawing to a close. However, before I leave you, I must help you defeat this horrible evil." She held up her hand. "I call on Bubba, my magical unicorn!"

In a flash of light a beautiful pure white unicorn appeared in front of them. All the Smashers gasped in amazement.

"Uh, excuse me, but there are no such thing as unicorns," Ness said. Three Smashers kicked Ness in the face.

"Now we can defeat the evil!" Link said, rising to his feet. He turned to Master Hand. "Master Hand!"

"Oh Garfield, your lasagna-snatching antics are so amusing," Master Hand chuckled. He suddenly looked up from his newspaper and spotted Link and the random unicorn, that really has no purpose, but I happen to like unicorns, so I just put one in. So screw you guys!

"What?" Master Hand snapped.

"Look what you've done!" Link exclaimed. "You've destroyed what we all have worked so hard to build, and have killed the only thing I truly loved in this world!" Link felt tears trickle down his face.

Master Hand thought for a second. "…You mean Tingle?"

"No! Aurora!" Link pointed to the dying girl.

Master Hand gasped in horror. "Oh my goodness, how could this have happened! I don't remember any of this happening at all! I must have had amnesia! Yes…amnesia…not anything that has to do with that crystal meth at all…" Master Hand began to sob. "I'm so sorry I did this!"

Aurora stirred. Her breathing was slowing. Link quickly knelt down beside her and looked deep into her fading, rainbow-colored eyes.

…What? What do you mean, her eyes used to be purple-blue? Well screw you!

"Link," Aurora whispered. "My time has come. I love you, but you and Zelda…belong together…get back with her, for me?" Link nodded.

"And one last thing, Link…" Link leaned in closer. Aurora closed her eyes and breathed out her last words. "…Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires." She fell silent. Aurora was dead.

Tears coursed down Link's face. All the Smashers came over and wept over her dead body, even Master Hand, who was mainly crying over the fact he was going to have to use his vodka money to pay for all the repairs he was going to have to make to the stadium.

Zelda threw her arms around Link and sobbed into his shoulder. "Oh Link, I'm so sorry! I was horribly jealous of Aurora, but now I feel awful she's dead! Please forgive me!"

"It's okay, Zelda!" Link said, hugging her back. "You're not nearly as hot as Aurora, but she's dead, and necrophilia is frowned upon, so you'll do!"

As the rest of the Smashers cried and wailed and pulled out their hair and bemoaned the death of the beloved Aurora, Ness walked over to Bubba.

"So…doing anything this evening?" he asked. Bubba gave a disgusted snort and kicked Ness in the face. She then disappeared into a cloud of rainbow gumdrops and tears.

Ness screamed and fell to the ground, holding his throbbing nose. "Why, God?" he groaned. "Why did you create fan fiction?"

xxx

Thus ended the Smashers' brief encounter with the strange yet beautiful girl. Eventually, Zelda and Link got married as Aurora had wished. Zelda gave birth to three children, which were all given the name Aurora in her honor, in spite of the fact all three were male. Master Hand ended the Super Smash Bros. Tournament for good out of respect for Aurora, and as all the Smashers were so distraught with her demise, they all moved to a commune in Iowa to comfort each other. And thus they all became hippies, and eventually caused the decline of video gaming, as all of the games they made from then on were called things like "Tree Hugging RPG" and "Kum-bai-yah Quest".

Geez. Stupid Smashers. Don't they know a Mary Sue when they see one?

**T3H END!1!LOLl33tl337!1111one!11**

SO YEAH TH$TZ TEE END OFF MI AWSUM STURIE AND UD BETTR REVIEW OTHARWIZE ILL CRI AND CUM 2 UR HOUZE AND KIK U AN STEEL UR STUFF!11! OH YEAH AN IF U SAY SOMETHING MEEN I WONT CARE CUZ U PROBABLY EAT KITTENZ AND PUPPIEZ AN SMALL CHILDR3N AND WERE THE CAUSE OF THE EXTEENSHUN OF THE DODO BIRDS AND THE UNIK0RNZ AND U PROBABLY CUT DOWN RAIN FORESTS AND DON'T RECYCLE EITHAR!11

O YEAH, AND UR A COMMUNIST!1! WAH4WAWAHW4RRARAAWA!1!

Thank you for reading.


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